Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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