So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail