take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
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We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.