It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?