I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
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Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.