Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
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failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
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Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica