and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.