i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
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Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.