You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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