I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
