Kareoke will never be a sober sport
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
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Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
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I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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