ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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