her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
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Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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