Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
