I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
