Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
