if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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