and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
