I will die if light touches me.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This baby is an asshole
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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