I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
be right there i have to get my cape
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
