He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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