HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You need Xanax blowdarts
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
