is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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