i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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