I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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