4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
