I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
