if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
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dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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