Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
