sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
