isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
