I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
