my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
