i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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