My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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