she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
