You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
