his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
