Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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