yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
