And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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