his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
