the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
