I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
