I haven't been this sober since birth.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize