ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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