Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
