I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
