Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
