Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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