final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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