me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
