When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
