in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize