the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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