Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
