at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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