Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
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I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
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You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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