She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
