Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
