I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We have started to decorate penises.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
