people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im holly from the hills drunk
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
