By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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