9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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