I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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