if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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