You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
