I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i barfeds in our rink
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
